Rules of Teiko Middle School
by lime green lily
Summary: Teiko is home for the Generation of Miracles - but not everyone can survive it. These are rules handed out by the GoM themselves about certain people in their team. Warning: Failure to comply may result in loss of sanity. Thank you - GoM
1. Akashi Seijuro

**A/N: I couldn't sleep. Then, my mind wandered to rules. And then, I wanted to read fics about the GOM back in Teiko Middle School. I can't find any! At all! So, I thought... there would certain rules laid out for the 'normal' people in Teiko. There would be written and spoken rules.**

**Warning: Rated T for Akashi (Yes, that's reason enough)**

* * *

**AKASHI SEIJURO**

* * *

1. Do not call him short. Ever.

(Unless you have suicidal wishes, then go ahead.)

2. Do not disobey him. Ever.

("Of course not, Aka-chin."

"People are too scared of Akashichi to disobey."

"Not me."

***SNIP***

"*cough***_Aho_**minechi*cough*"

"Farewell, Dai-chan, it was nice knowing you."

"Oi, oi,"

***snip*snip***

"We'll visit your grave, Aomine-kun."

"Final snacks, Mine-chin?"

"You're going to die. I told you not to anger a Sagittarius. "

"SHUT THE HELL UP!"

"Ara? You dare to disobey me, Daiki? How about I demonstrate what I do to those who disobey me."

*snip*snip***SNIP***

**_"NOOOOO!")_**

3. Do not look at him in the eye.

(Unless you want to die a merciless death. It wouldn't be quick. It wouldn't be painless. It may take years, but the nightmares will never leave.)

4. Do not even dare slander his name

(And since he is of the Generation of Miracles, then the name is considered his and not to be tainted.)

5. Do not touch what is his.

(Pick a limb. It's all you will have left.)

6. Do not come near what is his.

(Death is too good of a punishment.)

7. Do not violate what is his.

(You will cease to exist. Your body will never be found. Ever.)

8. Kuroko is _his_.

("Eh? That's not fair Akashichi!"

"Ara? Are you questioning me, Ryota?"

"_Hii_! Of course not!"

"Mou! Tetsu-kun is supposed to be _ours_. Sharing is caring, nee?")

9. Do not question where he hides his scissors, why he needs them, or plainly question him.

(Lest he shows you what it is for.

**WARNING: Losing of limbs or life is expected. We are not to be blamed for any harm done to one's person. It is his/her stupidity.**

**Thank you.**

**Please note some of the therapists listed below if ever you survive an encounted with Akashi-sama.)**

10. He is absolute.

(That is true. **Period**.)

10.5. Never, **ever** comment on the height.

(And yes, that's needed to be repeated twice.

Some idiots don't know that the first and last rule is to be strictly followed.)


	2. Murasakibara Atsushi

**I am unsatisfied with this. I typed it here in my phone - just like most of my stories. But I really feel unsatisfied. I wonder why.**

**Anyway, since many people are obviously taken with the previous rules, I made this. My next one is Midorima. What sort of rules will you add for him? What about the others? Tell me!**

**Warning: may have some OOC because they're from Middle School GoM. The not-so crazy times. And Akashi. That much needs Rated T. Yes, that is my only warning.**

* * *

**MURASAKIBARA ATSUSHI**

* * *

1. Never take away his sweets

(Unless your name is Akashi Seijuro.

Or you want to be crushed... then go ahead.)

2. Never call him an idiot. Not to his face or to the other GoM's face.

(Again, you will be crushed.)

(P.S. According to Momoi Satsuki, had Murasakibara wanted to, his GPA could be on par with hers.)

3. He is the baby of the team.

(Thus, if something happened to his or if he is sad, be warned of the consequences.)

4. If he says he wants to eat in class, he will eat in class.

("But you are not to do so during practice, understood?"

"Hai, Aka-chin.")

5. I repeat, if you make him sad, beware of that ominous snipping sound. Praying to Inari-sama to ferry your soul might be the only thing you can do.

(If you have any time left.)

6. Don't say that his "_ (name of snacks) cheated on him by going to _ (person) mouth."

(The consequence will be dire on the person -

And if the other GoM *Akashi* hears of this, you will suffer greatly.)

7. Don't even think of slandering Akashi's name around him.

(Not only will you be crushed, but if you survive the encounter. I'm not sure how many therapists will give on you.

The only thing you will be saying is "Red" "Violations" "SnipSnip" and "Scissors"Wm

Please take note of the rules on Akashi's corner. Thank you.)

8. No one is allowed to 'crush' Kuro-chin.

(" No one but me."

"Ah. Will you please get off me."

"Hehehe.")

9. The only one he'll listen to is Akashi Seijuro. And more often than not, Kuroko Tetsuya.

("Akashi-san, please, you've got to see to Murasakibara-kun. He is threatening to 'crush' his classmates."

"Akashi-san, Murasakibara-kun just... he just snapped. You've got to help."

"Akashichi! Please help! Huhuhu!"

"Akashi-sama, I apologize for the interruption but Murasakibara-san just made Kiwamura-sensei cry."

"Akashi-san!"

"Akashi-san!"

"TETSUYA! Stop using misdirection and help sensei out."

"..."

"Ano, Akashichi. .. Kurokochi already left."

"TETSUYA!")

10. For the love of it all, be grateful that it's only Atsushi we have. If we have one of his brother or sister... let's not talk about it.

("Akashi-kun, calm down."

"A-Akashichi..."

"Oi, oi,"

"Hiii! I'm scared."

"*munch* *munch*)


	3. Midorima Shintaro

**Okay, Midorima is here. Did I mention how much I love him? On my KnB top ten, he's top three (on par with Izumi). I love his Tsunedere persona soooo much. I don't know if I've done him justice. Anyway, watch out anytime this week (or Sunday) for Ahomine's rules. Bye!**

* * *

**MIDORIMA SHINTARO**

* * *

1. Never doubt his shooting ability.

("Holy Shit! What's with all the raining stuff?"

"Eh? What're you talking about, Dai-chan?"

"Didn't you see it? I was being barrage by random stuff from morning till now! You were there when that potted plant almost hit me this morning, right?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Dai-chan. You must've been imagining it. I saw nothing."

"Damn it! I told you I'm being attacked!"

"Dai-chan…"

"Don't talk to me!"

*Stomp* *grumbles* *stomp**grumbles*

"…"

*sigh* "I warned him not to piss Midorin. You brought this to yourself, _Aho_mine.")

2. Do not diss Aha-Osa.

(Fate will no longer be at your side.)

3. No. He is not a Tsunedere.

("Pfft. Yeah right."

"I have to agree with Dai-chan on this one, Midorin."

"Midorimachi is one."

"Aa."

"Sh-shut up!")

4. No. He is not a 'poor' person because he scavenges the dumpster.

(He's richer than you peasants.

More practical too.)

5. Don't mock his 'ritual'.

(You will see first-hand just how accurate he is.)

6. Do not try to take away his Lucky Items – no matter how ludicurous they may be.

(Akashi has approved of this.

For inquires, please go to Akashi Seijuro. But before that, please sign this form that says Teiko Middle School is not to be held responsible for whatever punishment Akashi has in store for you for questing the Emperor.

Thank you.)

7. For the love of it all, his hair is NATURAL!

("I dunno. I still think it's dyed."

"Oh yeah? What about yours, Ganguro?"

"What did you just call me, Bastard?!"

"Ah! Stop it, you two!"

"In all honesty, the only one with normal hair color among us is Kise-kun and Akashi-kun."

"Ah~! Kurokochii!"

"Shit! Turn down the sparkles, Idiot. Who are you – Edward Cullen?"

"Eh? How do you know about that, Aominechii? Do you watch Twilight?"

"F-fuck no. My sister watches it."

"You don't have a sister, Dai-chan."

"You _do _watch it!"

"NO! Fuck you all. I'm leaving."

*stomp* *stomp*

"So… he does watch Twilight, right?")

8. Oha-Asa is never wrong.

(Beware of raining random objects if you dare question Oha-Asa's greatness.)

9. Unless your sign is compatible to his, don't even try to buddy-buddy with him.

(Yes, Kise, I am talking about you.)

10. While he adores Oha-Asa to the point of obsession, he is by no means sexually aroused by it.

(Whoever started this rumor, Teiko Basketball club has one advice: Run – Transfer Schools – Do NOT let him find you.

That is all.)

* * *

**I'm done. I'm dead. And if you people have any idea on how to fix an Acer Aspire Netbook's wireless adaptor, please help me. My internet's being wasted since I can't use it. UGH!**


	4. Aomine Daiki 1

**This wasn't planned. I mean it. This was plain crazy. Sorry. I'll edit this.**

* * *

**AOMINE DAIKI**

**By: Akashi Seijuro**

* * *

1. Daiki is to never bring his erotica to the sacred halls of Teiko Court.

(Lest he wants them to be torn to shred and be used as a Hamster home.)

2. Daiki is to never skip practice,

(Lest he wants a pair of scissor taking away Mini-Mine.)

3. Daiki's relationship with one Kuroko Tetsuya is purely professional.

(Anymore and he will be dealt with swiftly, severely and mercilessly.)

4. Daiki is to never question Akasi Seijuro if he refuse to show his popsicle stick.

(He is always a winner. Better remember that.)

5. Daiki's training menu will be tripled from now on for acting lovey-dovey with Akashi's property.

(This is merely a warning, Daiki. One more wrong step and I will no longer be merciful.)

* * *

"Hold up! What sort of rules are these? These are _for _me, not _about me_."

"Ara? You have a problem with it, Daiki?" ***snip* *snip* *snip***

"Yes! I want a redo of min – Aah!"

***fwing***

"Do not question me, Daiki. Remember that well."

* * *

Days later, on the bleachers of Teiko court, Aomine boycotted for a redo of his rules.

Everyone else just filed it as another one of the Generation of Miracles' insanity – er,antics. That is not to be questioned.


End file.
